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Syazana.
seventeen.
still searching for the meaning of life.
JYJ & 東方神起
love makes me cry.
there's really nothing much about me.

Thursday, December 30, 2010
reality

Sometimes in life - u gotta snap out of it & realise the world won't stop just for u. U have to accept reality & move on. Life is not one big happy fairytale. It can get really tough, but you have to keep moving because only the strong ones will survive.

You may be punched in the face. Get hit where it hurts the most. Get salt rubbed in your wounds.

But you see, no one will care.

Why?

Because everybody is just too busy with their own lives to stop and give you a hug and tell you that everything's okay.

They're too busy watching tv, taking care of their kids, studying, shopping online, watching their favourite dramas, working to stop what they're doing just for you.


Nothing would be okay.

Even if they assure you that, its all a lie unless you yourself get to change the whole situation and make it okay.

Don't you get it? Its your life.
Therefore only you can change it.

You can have the biggest problem in the world but as much people you try to consult in,
the only person that can help make it turn around is you.
Not your friends.
They can't do anything except give you words of advice.
And that's all.
It won't change anything.
It won't at all.

When I was a kid, I thought that everybody in the world was nice enough.
Like what I've been taught in school.
Be nice to others.
And things would be fine for you.
But the world is a lie.
Everybody would like to lie to you as much as they want to.

Fairytales only happens in stories. Happy endings only happens in dramas.

The world, the reality out there is much harsher, much more harsher then what we'd learnt in school.

Don't you see, we've even been lied to when we were young. The world is a bloody lie.


"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for."
Therefore, you just gotta, "Wake up and live " — Bob Marley

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10:31 PM
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
--

If yesterday I said I was going to die

then no, its today.

I shouldn't have gone to work.

swore i was going to faint.


Now I feel so weak.

and every part of my body hurts so bad.

really hurts.

my chest, its burning again.

also, I keep tasting blood in my throat.

I feel fcking horrible.

I can't even move anymore, therefore I'm using my phone to type rn.

I don't want anything.

Just.... let me rest ok...

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5:59 PM
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
박수쳐

I think I'm going to die.
The inside of my chest is burning.
My throat is dry and it hurts so bad.
My cheeks are flushed.


I feel so awful right now.
Let me get out.
Of all this shit.
Please....

For how long
will this go on?

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9:58 PM
Monday, December 27, 2010
why

Sometimes,
I wonder why things always turn so horrible for me.
Things always go wrong.
Why can't I have a peaceful life.
Why, why must all the bad stuffs happen to me at the same time.
It makes me want to cry even more and more.
I see people with good relationships,
good life,
carefree mind.

Why, just why can't I live a day like that?
I hate myself so much.
Everything about me...is hateable.
I often find myself crying every single day now.

I wish this emotions would stop.
I hate how I am now.
How there's always tears in my eyes.
How smiling had never hurt this much.
How I often have to tell people I'm fine.
I'm fine really. Really I am.
Really. I'll be fine.
In time to come.

I can't tell you what it really is.
I can only tell you what it feels like.
And right now there's a steel knife in my windpipe.
I can't breathe.
-Love the way you lie

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10:14 PM
Sunday, December 26, 2010
To you, you, you, you and you.

To the ones that had captured my heart,
my soul and my mind,
Happy 7th year anniversary.
I love you.
Love you so much that I cannot understand how 5 strangers had captured my heart so well that I seemed to drown in whirlpools of emotions every time something happens to you guys.
No matter how sad or happy it is.
You guys are the only one.
With such wonderful voices,
that harmonize so beautifully together.
The love you 5 have for music, your passion,
everything-- just everything that you do, is admirable.
Its true. The love is true. No matter how hard things were, you still sing with all your hearts.
You enjoy it.
Nothing can stop this love that is burning inside of you.
Nothing.
And that goes the same for my love for you,
all 5 of you.

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11:13 PM
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Go Away


I wanna cry.
So bad.
But,
No one,
can know.
Or see.
These liquid falling
from my eyes.
No
one.
Especially her.

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1:06 AM
Sunday, December 19, 2010
December

Suppp dead blog? n__n
Been real busy these days!
Just recently came back from my 2 weeks Egypt trip and I feel so flyyyy (like a G6)
Now I've work to keep me occupied. :/
Every day make soya milk. So smelly.

I don't understand why people like to drink them.
Every time customer comes and orders: "One soya milk please." I feel like screaming to them "NO, WHY ARE YOU DRINKING THIS SHIT. I CANNOT COMPREHEND. GET OUT, RUN TO THE MCDONALDS ACROSS AS FAST AS YOU CAN. NOW."
... 8| lol

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12:25 AM