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Syazana.
seventeen.
still searching for the meaning of life.
JYJ & 東方神起
love makes me cry.
there's really nothing much about me.

Sunday, June 19, 2011
my words.

I stumbled upon the twitter accounts and blogs or whatsoever accounts of people who hates me.
And then I stared at my own, filled with sadness and depression.
People may think that I am just having my teenage emotional moments. They don't understand me. They just choose to ignore me and leave me alone.

Looking at all this, comparing all of this, I totally feel so pathetic.
If these people who hate me would just see what I am going through right now...or see how pathetic I am by reading my posts, I am positive they would laugh at me. Right in my face.

It has been really tough for me. Even now, it is hard to explain what had truly happened. It is something people would just brush off as irrelevant, they don't see the seriousness of this. I couldn't even count on my friends so I felt scared. I felt really, really scared...

It has been nearly a month. I was crying to myself every day, and every time I knew I was alone. The feeling is just horrible and I still am afraid of it. I'm still afraid that it will come back to drown me in again...

For now, I just wish someone would have a nice chat with me. I don't want to depend on anybody, because I have said it before, everyone is too busy with their own real life to bother about how you are.

Besides, I think that my friends find me as a nuisance... Why bother them with things they don't want to be bothered with... I am such an outcast.

Sometimes, I feel so insecure. I wish I knew what to do... I just wish someone would hug me and just tell me that things are okay.
But I know that won't happen.

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8:45 PM