Monday, September 12, 2011
3AM - This are my true feelings$BlogItemTitle$>
It is 3am. I am writing this because I truly have nowhere else to express it.
We meet again, it seems like I only come back to you when I am at my limit.
I am this close to breaking.
I don't know what occured today. I really don't.
But I just started crying. I cried really hard.
It came back. I think it came back... (Why won't it leave me alone for good?)
I have no one. I truly have no one.
Yet, I still have to put on this façade even with my family. I can't let them know. I can't, it is such a stupid thing..
I am all alone now. I think that if I died, only my family would notice. I don't think anyone else would. Is it all my fault? I don't like to think of it as my fault.
I didn't do anything wrong. That's unfair.
Why do people always get what they want but I? I hate them. I hate you.
Everyone has really nice friends and best friends. Friends who are so close to them and texts each other 24/7. Everyone has lovely friends. Someone to hang out with, to talk with.
Everyone but I.
I am tired of always being the one taking the initiative to start even a conversation. I don't like being the only one who texts, it makes me look like a desperate freak. It is like, you don't care about me at all. So, why should I continue this? If I'd never taken the initiative, you won't ever message me. I am hurt, I am deeply hurt....
I feel stupid right now. I see everyone on Facebook suddenly knowing each other. "Oh, my best friend knows my other best friend." and suddenly, what best friend?
I am so left out. I am so outcasted. I am so hurt. But no one cares. No one even remembers me.
Of course, why would anyone want to befriend a retarded stupid person like me?
Everyone is friends with each other, except me.
I am so alone. I am so lonely.
Hate me, hate me, hate me, that's all I'm born for.
This feeling is horrible. My eyes are swollen from too much crying.
But what does it matter? No one cares.
I am so jealous, you have so many friends. Which is probably why, having one less ugly dumbo(me) won't even be noticeable for you.
I am crying again. (No one cares)